Impressed

I saw Jerald on Friday and he was impressed seeing me walk without a cane and/or walking stick. This was the first time that I showed up to my prothesist without a walking aid. He gave me an inch on my artificial leg and he told me that I will be getting a new leg soon - either a rheo knee/leg or a C-leg. I am walking so much better now. Thanks Jerald!

Thank You Victoria

I am walking now everywhere without a cane and without a walking stick!!!!!!!!!! You know what? I don't work as hard and I don't sweat nearly as much! Thank you so much Vicky for telling me that I can do it and convincing me that I can!

I am now walking with crutches for the first time since becoming an amputee when I don't have my prosthetic on. Before now, I would just use a wheelchair when I don't have my leg on. Once again, thank you.

Didn't Fall

I just got back from a long weekend up in Rangeley doing some boating and fishing and I didn't fall once!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not getting in or out of the boat or even on the boat and it was rough some of the time. The fishing was great and the catching was so, so.............. but it is the first time that I have gone fishing and haven't fallen. The dock was the toughest part but I did it!!!

New Socket

I received my latest socket today from Jerald and I showed him my new, really long walking stick and he really likes it. The fit is awesome and he likes the way I have been practicing walking without the cane and he told me to continue to do that. From the waist down, he says I am doing awesome without the cane but from the waist up, I need more practice........ Thanks Jerald!

buff

I got a new socket today and boy it fits like a glove......... I needed it because my prosthesist says I have gotten so buff in my residual limb. He refuses to use the word stump. I can now walk so well that I don't even need the cane. But my form is better with the cane. Whatever that means.....

Wow broke 110

Sit down and take a deep breath.............. I broke 110 today. I shot 104!!!!!!!! and I parred two holes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First time ever that I parred two holes.

why does water exist on a golf course?

I shot a 112 today. Why do you get a penalty stroke when you lose a ball? Doesn't seem right to me. Maybe I can play the amp card and say that rule doesn't apply to amptees..................

Golf

I shot a 114 today! My best ever! 3 putts suck! But I did have one 1 putt!

Noise

My leg is beginning to make a noise!! I have the Rheo knee/leg. What a time for it to making a noise since it is July 4th weekend and I won't be able to get in to see my prosthesist, Jerald, until Tuesday at the earliest. The noise is in the foot I think............ but it could be in the socket but the foot is my guess. It is snapping/clicking noise but my mother who heard the sound, thinks it is a suction noise. Time will tell for I will let Jerald decide who was correct in terms of the sound. My belt is beggining to fall about too for the metal is becoming to come out for the stiches have let go. I just don't want it to completely fall apart or rip my pants/shorts, however I do have exhibitionist tendancies................lol....


If I thougt 3 putts suck, 4 putts suck more!!!!!!!!!! I shot 122 today and I didn't win one hole but I tied 3 holes.

my first par

I am just getting back from a round of golf. Now sit down......are you sitting? I got my first par after being a an amputee. Not only that, I broke 120......shooting a 116. 1 putts are awesome!! and 3 putts bite the big one....

"Buff"

I had to see Jerald, my prosthesist, today for I broke my charger cord that plugs into my leg to charge it up. I had my leg off and plugged in to charge and it fell breaking the cord piece that was plugged into my leg. I had to take my leg off when I saw Jerald so he could check it out. After he did, he watched me put it back on and it takes a good half an hour to put it on and he wasn't impressed by that.

He says now I need a new socket for I have changed so much. I told him that I basically just got this socket why do I need another one. He said that I have now gotten buff in my residual limb. His words not mine...... He gave me some liguid powder stuff to put into my socket before putting my leg on and it helps a ton in terms of time used and pain from jumping up and down on my stump to get into the leg which I don't have to do now with this liquid powder stuff. He said that that is only temporary for I need a new socket.

Jerald took another video of me and he was impressed with the way I was walking. Specifically the amount of time that I spent on my artificial leg and how my upper body has dramatically quieted down when I walk. I was happy that he was happy but I don't really notice those changes and he said that I wouldn't for I don't watch myself walk. Does that make any sense to you? My son Bowdoin just had his birthday and I called to wish him a happy birthday and to talk with him numerous times.

His mother refused to answer the phone. I left many messages for him but none were returned. I called a week or so ago and I low and behold she answered the phone and said that my sons were not there. I asked if Bowdoin had received his birthday card and she said no. I said why not? What is your address? She never gave me the address but I look online and thought that I found it......

The Bitch refuses to live up to the divorce decree!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am suppose to have an address and a telephone number to reach my sons at all times and she refuses to do that so once again I will have to call the authorities. You would think that we all her legal problems Linda Mccabe wouldn't want any more, but now she will get more to add to her DUI, numerous grand theft charges and another divorce proceeding.

With all this going on in my life no wonder it is difficult to walk.

Golf

Played golf for the second time this year and yes there is improvement!!!!!! I easily broke 130 for I shot a 120 - almost breaking 120....... The last time I played, I barely broke 140 shooting a 138. "Golf might be a good walk ruined" but this walk was much better than the last one Mr. Twain.

Psychological

I think that it is a combination of both: Physical and Psychological things that get it the way of my walking and moving like a normal person. If I had to pick one over the other at this point in time, I would choose Psychological.

No matter what I am doing, I am constantly thinking of my sons Camden and Bowdoin Richardson and all the time I have lost with them. If you haven't read my book, you really should to understand everthing that the bitch did to me and my sons and continues to do to us. Not only were my sons told that I was dead on numerous occassions so was my kids' schools and their friends and acquaitences' parents. How can anyone be so sick and demented??

The worst part now is she is brainwashing my sons against me. Telling them that Daddy doesn't help, he doesn't pay child support and he never wants to talk with you or be with you. All blatant lies!!!!!!!

I often think about all this and so much more in regards to my sons as I walk. It depresses me and hurts me on a myriad of different fronts. No wonder my doctor gave me a happy pill. As I walk I often think what if my sons were with me and I am attempting to anticipate the unforseen. In short, I am thinking too much. Jerald wants me to walk without thinking. Much easier said than done.

Psychological or Physical??

I hit another bucket of balls today at Toddy Brook Golf course and I hit them well. Much more consistent than last time. For the most part they were straight and reasonable long for an amputee.

As long as I hit the ball with a closed stance with my left (artificial foot) ahead of my right (real) foot I hit dead straight. If I exaggerated the close stance, I could hit the ball to the right and if I stood square to the ball, I hit to the left. This should help me when I actually play the course. I still need to firmly trust my prosthetic leg by shifting my entire weight onto it as I swing. I am getting closer but I am not there yet.

This leads me to the question is it physical or psychological limitations that are in the way now preventing me from doing everything that I want to do? What do you think?

Boating

I have been boating 4 or 5 times this year and I am getting better in terms of getting in and out of the boat with my Prosthetic leg. I have used my Rheo Knee rather than my water leg which will probably piss of my prothesist..... but oh well......

No I don't mean that. If I was alone, I would definately use my water leg or if I went to a place that I was unfamiliar with, I would wear it too. For the most part, I have gone to places with docks and when I haven't, I have worn boots......

The toughest part thus far is the walk down the dock which is a large decline and is somewhat unstable. Declines and hills are by far the toughest thing that I have to do. Why are these so difficult??.

I surprised the hell out of myself and my father at Thompson lake where their wasn't a dock so we beached the boat and I got out of the boat by climbing over the windshield and stepping on the closed bow and then stepping way down to the ground. It doesn't seem like much to people with two real legs, but it meant a ton to me.

Right Foot

I hit another bucket of balls today. A much smaller bucket and some funny things happened when I concentrated on my real - right foot. When I squared my right foot to the ball and took my swing with my feet suared to the ball, I could really shift my weight from real side to my prosthetic side.

I was finally swinging with more than my arms. I was also swinging using my hips and waist area and the ball was going further. I guess my real foot has negatively impacted my walking and my golf swing for I have always kept my real foot out to the side and turned to the right as a safety precaution and as a balance precaution as well. Now when I walk and swing a golf club, I focus on my real leg and especially my real foot to make sure that it is straight. Does this make any sense?

I don't know if it does to me either but the results seem to be better when I walk and when I hit a golf ball and my balance seems to be better too.

Bucket of balls

I hit a bucket of balls today at the Toddy brook driving range and I didn't fall once!!!!!!!!!!! It was incredibly tiresome and I didn't realize that the bucket would be so big. Next time I will get a smaller bucket and bring a chair to sit on to take a break. Phew..... enough complaining James. I hit the ball well......at least it was straight. Not nearly as long as I would like but they were straight.

Now my stance wasn't a typical golf stance but more like a closed baseball stance for standing that way I hit the ball straight everytime. Jerald #2, my father, wants me to swing more with my body and hips, not just my arms. He has designed an exercise for me to do with my cane as a club and shifting my weight from my real (right) side to my prothetic (left) side and in doing so twist and lift up my real heel. I am practicing this and see if it makes a difference the next time that I go to the driving range. I wish that Jerald #1 could see it.

My Sons

It would be so much easier to walk if I weren’t carrying around so much baggage……….mental baggage that is. I haven’t seen my sons in over 3 years. I miss them so much!!!!!!!!!!! Ever since my horrific accident October 12, 2003 I have only seen and been with my sons a couple of handfuls of times. The bitch (Linda-Lucinda) refuses to live up to the divorce decree!!!! After spending thousands of dollars on two different occasions to take her back to court and all she gets is a slap on the wrist by the ignorant Floridian judges who should basically know her by now on a first name basis, but I digress………. - I can no longer afford to keep taking her back to court. I am on disability!!!!
Whenever I walk and attempt to walk I think of my sons, Camden and Bowdoin Richardson ages 11 and 9 respectively and all the time I have missed with them. They were 4 and 2 and the time of the accident. I have missed being with them and raising them. Teaching them to play ball and read, play with them, in short, being their Dad. It hurts me so much!!!!!!!!!! I think about them as I walk as if they are with me walking and then something happens close to them and I have to move quickly in order to protect them. Do you know what I mean??? And I am unable to move quickly enough…….. This makes me so angry, sad and somewhat depressed.
Is there any wonder that my doctor has prescribed me a happy pill?? Linda, the ex-wife (Lucinda in my book) has stolen so much from me!!!!!! Hopefully one day she will get hers and perhaps it is beginning she just got caught for DUI. According to my prosthesis’, Jerald, I should clear my head and just walk. Easier said than done. I think that is why he wanted me to get one of those I-pod things to listen to music while I walk.

Progress

I met Jerald today at the Mall to walk and low and behold he was impressed with my progress. He said that I am making progress in terms of my flow and gate; moreover that he sees a huge difference in my real (right) foot being faced straight on while I walk now rather than being turned out. He was impressed and told me to continue walking more and more.

He likes how I have calmed my body down while I walk specifically my upper body arms and shoulders. He still wants me to relax my right leg as I walk.

will winter ever end?

I walked the Parking lot again today with a carriage. I concentrated once again on my real leg and my right (real) foot insuring that it was straight on when I walked rather than turned out. I did well - I think and I can't wait for Jerald to see it. I then did without the shopping cart and just used my cane and once again I did well. I tried it without anything but there was still snow in the parking lot from yesterday's storm. Since it is now April I am hoping that winter will now end!!!

Parking Lot

I walked today for over 20 minutes so my prosthesit, Jerald, should be happy for I walked without him. I walked a parking lot with a shopping cart. My Dad came along with me as he always does when I walk;moreover he analizes my walk in terms of flow and gate. Sometimes I call him Jerald #2 to tease him but it helps a lot.

For quite some time both Jeralds have talked about and argues that it isn't my prosthetic side that is the problem in terms of flow and gate but my real side. My father more so. When I walked with the shopping cart, I didn't put too much pressure on the cart with my hands and I attempted to kick the ball with my right (real) foot for the first time. I didn't even really think about my prosthetic leg or foot for the first time. According to my father, I walked much better for I walked with my real/right foot straight on rather than turned out to the right side;moreover I walked with my legs closer together.

After using the cart, I walked some in the parking lot with my cane and did it much better too so then I tried it without the cane and then my form and gate suffered. Why? I don't know.........

WOW the Mall is a big place!!!!

I walked the Mall today with my prosthesist, Jerald Cunningham, again today. I did so much better this time. My flow and gate were much better!!!! I didn't circumduct my prosthetic nearly so much this time as I did last time. Yeah!!!!! I walked much further this time too. I only sat down twice for a couple of minutes each time. My wind and my endurance have improved so much!!!!! You see I have finally quit butts. I haven't had a butt since January 15!!! and I can really feel and see a difference in everything...... but this isn't about butts but walking. In the hour that I was with Jerald at the mall I walked for 55 minutes of that time and by all accounts my flow and gate have improved dramatically since the last time I was at the mall.

Remember that side piece that Jerald made for me which is attached to my prosthetic leg that prevents me for collapsing on the left side? Jerald wants me to wear that again when I walk for exercise and he basically wants me to exercise an hour everyday. I know, I know, I think so too that he might be on some drugs. I am going to try for 20 minutes/day. I believe that he wants me to wear that as a reminder to my brain and body to walk well and right in terms of flow and gate and this piece helps me. I guess that I have walked wrong for so long that I have to retrain everything to walk well and correctly. Who would have thunk that the Mall is so big and walking is so complicated??? I am going to get to the point to be able to do it without thinking though.....

I did shitty

I met Jerald again at the Maine Mall last week and I walked shitty....... I think that those were his words but they may have been mine. I think he said "What has happened?" "You have taken a few steps backward" or something to that effect.... Specifically he said even with the 2 large walking sticks and much more pronounced just using my cane, I was circumducting artificial leg rather than walking straight through with it. Why?????????????? I don't know and I don't know if Jerald knows either. He stopped me while I was walking to make me do some exercises to ascertain whether or not I could do it correctly and I could, so why wasn't I doing it while I walked????

This is so frustrating!!!!!! I don't want to be taking steps backward...... I had the bad cold/bug that everyone seems to be having or had and perhaps physically that set me back some for I didn't do much of anything for a week, like walk.....
Jerald thinks that and my length might have something to do with it, I am going to see him tomorrow and he is going to make me longer. Oh the jokes I could now make if I wasn't in such a shitty mood....... but those who know me know what jokes I would be making......

Jerald might be on to something though for I do look down at my feet a lot when I walk and I can easily see my real foot but the artificial one is at times very difficult to see..... so maybe I am circumducting to be able to see it as I walk.... I don't know - just thinking outloud. I will know more once I get longer....

Two Walking Sticks and Mall #6

I met my prosthesist Jerald today at the Maine Mall to do some walking and he wasn't too happy with me for the following reasons. I used my cane and evidently I was circumducting my artificial leg while I walked rather than walking through on it. The second reason he was upset was that I was moving my upper body too much as I walked. How? by rotating my shoulders which, according to Jerald, I was doing to propel my legs forward. By doing this, Jerald says I am making walking much more difficult than it has to be.

About a week or so ago, my father bought two long walking sticks which he brought to Mall with us. After Jerald see me walk with the cane and without it, he said let's give the walking sticks a try. As I did this my form and gate improved dramatically!!!!! I was walking through with my artificial leg and the circumducting cease to exist; moreover my shoulders didn't move at all with the two walking sticks. It is kind of ironic for I didn't really put that much pressure on either one of the sticks. Especially on the left stick which just was basically touching the ground. Jerald maintains that I have walked wrong for so long that it is going to take some time to train my brain and my body the proper way to walk. He didn't say it, but I could kind of tell he is more concerned with training the brain than the body in terms of being more of challenge. He now wants me to walk correctly with the walking sticks for 30 minutes/day. Is he nuts??? Well yes I can now do it in terms of my wind since quitting butts a month ago, but walking is tiresome. Oh stop female dogging and moaning James.

Fox Run Mall

I guess I was getting bored walking at the Maine Mall.......not really but from what I can gather, my prosthesit(Jerald) has been busy, so I decided to go walk the Fox Run Mall. I think it was more difficult for a myriad of reasons. It was a longer walk. I walked with Cindy and unlike Jerald, she wouldn't let me sit and rest when I wanted to. The third reason it was more arduous for me is that I have quit smoking. It is like day 12 now and no cheating whatsoever BUT it makes me a little more quick tempered. Hopefully this will end soon. I think that my prosthesist and doctors will be happy. Accoding to Cindy I walked well.

Mall #3 - stop complaining!

I met Jerald this morning at the Maine Mall and I met a 15 year old girl named Christine and her mother at the Mall too. I was am so impressed with Christine and how she walked! Christine I am so proud of you! I will no longer complain about having a short residual limb. Some background might be helpful.....Christine has absolutely no residual limb at all. From what I can gather, she has never had one and she can really get around with crutches so well! For me this is really impressive for I struggle with crutches.

Jerald just made her an artificial leg that attaches to her hip and she is walking with it. I think her seeing me walk with an artificial leg helped her or at least I hope that it did. She was told by her former Prosthetic company, that she would never walk with an artificial leg. Well Jerald and Atlantic ProCare is proving the other company wrong for she is now walking and she isn't done yet by a long shot.

I walked ok today at the mall but I need to learn to walk slowly and correctly! I need to walk slower and remember to kick the ball as I walk and not throw my hip. Jerald needed to remind me which he shouldn't have had to. James walk slowly and correctly and speed with follow with correct form. I have to say this to myself to remind myself. Once Jerald cued me I walked correctly again. Thank you Jerald and I will do it correctly the next time that I see you and in the interlude I will practice correctly. I am still having a hard time balancing on one leg when I try to balance on my prosthetic leg alone. This is very hard but I am working on it.

Balance

This morning was Mall visit #3. According to my prosthesist, Jerald, my flow and gate are improving. It seems as if working on my balance is improving my walking without the cane. Now he wants me to practice standing on my prosthetic leg without holding on to the wall with my right finger. He wants to be able to stand on my artificial leg without holding on to anything!!!
Is he insane?

Basically he wants me to stand on the floor and with the cane in my left hand be able to lift my real right foot up and lift the cane at the same time thus stand on my prosthetic only and balance without falling. This is scary as hell and also rather difficult if not impossible, but I will practice!!!

He seemed happy with my prosthetic side and my real side below my hips. He says that I have improved the hesitation on my prosthetic side so the flow has improved and my right side is good as well below the hips. I have to work on relaxing my shoulders when I walk and they shouldn't move as much. Only my arms should move when I walk. Why is walking so complicated??